To Hell in a Handbasket? Really??

I have often seen this bumper sticker:

"If you are not outraged, you are not paying attention" 

While I believe that there is a lot of truth in that statement, sometimes I think that we are paying TOO much attention, especially to events and situations that we have no control over!   It's one thing to be informed about the world in which we live and then it's quite another to be informed to the point of emotional, spiritual and physical exhaustion, which I am guilty of at times...

We live in an era where worldly information - both good and bad - is right at our fingertips!  A situation could be happening a half a world away in Cairo or Russia (or even across our own town) and we will know about it - complete with graphic details and pictures - within seconds!  Being a "self-diagnosed" highly sensitive person (HSP) I find that I really need to be careful about what information and images I allow into my psyche and into my heart because they will take up residence for a very long time causing my anxiety level to increase and my spirit to weaken.  It can sometimes be difficult for me to separate my psyche from the person or group of people that is/are suffering - whether it's a character in a novel I'm reading or in a movie that I'm watching, or it could be a fellow human being in a far away place that I will never meet or a very dear friend who is suffering in some way.  In any case, their story or situation can have a significant impact on me and I will want to help them, make their suffering stop, but often times I just can't and that's where it becomes personally disheartening and frustrating.  

Did you know that it's part of my "job" as Director of Music & Liturgy at my church to compose the General Intercessions (Prayers of the Faithful) for Mass each week?  While I am honored to have such an opportunity, can you imagine how difficult this is to do each and every week, especially when I feel like the prayers are not being answered?  I often feel that I can just "copy and paste" (sometimes I do) the same prayers I wrote the previous week because the world is still not at peace, starving people are still hungry, the sick are still suffering, the earth and her resources are still being mistreated...  then the Holy Spirit will wisely and quietly intervene and encourage me to take a step back and know that it's not up to me to take on all of the world's problems... and thank God that it's not!  All I can do is continue to write these intercessions, week after week, on behalf of my brothers and sisters who probably feel similarly to what I feel and want the same things for the world in which we live.

While we, as a human family, should continue to hope and pray for world peace or for an end to human suffering... perhaps we can tweak our prayer a little?  You know, I remember a homily given by our pastor once or twice and he suggested this very idea. Here's an example:  rather than praying for a terminally ill loved one to be healed (knowing deep inside that it's highly unlikely) perhaps our prayer should be that our loved one will be granted comfort in their suffering and given the grace to accept what is God's plan for them.  Is this hard?  Very!  Am I personally able do this?  I don't even want to answer that... so, I just continue to hope and pray*... 
  

Naively, or not, I think I'm sometimes guilty of viewing our world through "rose colored glasses" and I really do believe that the majority of the human race is innately empathetic (despite what the media leads us to believe) - or at least that is my hope!  I think that we, as empathetic beings, often times focus all of our attention and energy - spiritual, emotional and physical - on the horrible atrocities that are currently happening in far away places (and even in our own backyards)... being witness to such things on a regular basis can slowly wear down our human spirits.  We become sad, angry, hopeless, dangerously desensitized. We throw our hands up in the air, shake our heads in disbelief and maybe even give in to the notion that the world is, indeed, "going to hell in a handbasket" -  and it can be easy to do because so much of what we see can lead us to believe it is so.

When the events of the world become too mind-consuming and overwhelming for me, I try to focus on what's going on inside of my own heart and mind and pay close attention to how I react to what's going on around me -  these are the things that I have more control over.  You know how the airline attendants remind us to put on our own air masks before assisting others?  Well, perhaps if we can focus on our own sense of inner peace, striving to build a solid spiritual foundation for ourselves, then we can be of greater service to our world.  Sometimes it can be as simple as turning off the television, closing the newspaper and avoiding the negative stories and images that plague our laptops and cell phones... even if just for a day - just one day! 

THEN - as quickly as we possibly can - we need to go and focus on something, anything! that brings us joy and reminds us that there is goodness and sweetness - and plenty of it - still left in the world!  Find a small child to hug (preferably one that you already know!)... a warm wiggly puppy to cuddle... a newborn baby to smell (again, preferably one you already know!) ... a beautiful rose that is just beginning to open... a person opening a door for another... a genuine smile from a friend or even a stranger... a vineyard that is just beginning to show signs of Autumn... a playground full of happy, energetic, laughing children... a butterfly or a bumblebee dancing around the garden... a heartwarming picture or uplifting quote that your friend just posted on Facebook... do you get my point? 

We need to GO! SEEK! and find as many of life's joys that we possibly can... deposit them into our "joy accounts"... filling our accounts to overflowing! - so that when we encounter something negative or disheartening that aims to weaken our fragile spirits, we can go to our "joy account" and make a withdrawl... make two withdrawls!  But, first we need to remember that it's important to make deposits on a regular basis - after all, we are human and we do live in the world that we do.  So, we need to make it a point to regularly seek out and then experience something that truly makes our hearts smile...  something that allows our minds to know peace - even if just for a moment...  or something that will offer us a glimmer of hope for humanity - because it is possible, even on the dark days (I have them too!) when hope seems to be hiding, just let it be ... pray...  pray some more ... and then let it be. 

(*I use the word "pray/prayer/praying" but of course feel free to substitute words like "meditate", "discern" or whatever evokes a sense of connection with your higher power).

My Arm Is Tired!

It's been a couple of weeks since I last published something on this blog, even though I have started and saved a couple of drafts, I just didn't feel they were ready to be put "out there" yet ... 

However, lately, as my horoscope suggests...   Don't laugh, but - yes! - I do have a semi-serious interest in astrology and believe that there is something to it, and while I don't use my amateur studying of astrology to dictate my life's course, I do use it more as a reaffirmation of the course that I am already on... 

Anyway, as I was saying, my horoscope (Taurus ~ just in case you were wondering) has been suggesting that this is a good time for me to engage in creative pursuits, that "my planets are in alignment" and my creative window is wide open!   Ha ha!   How ironic!   I have been wanting to start some form of journal writing, though I didn't think it would be in the form of a public blog... but why not? Something new to try!    AND I have had some inspirations for new piano pieces brewing in the back of my mind for the past month or two and have been aching to sit at a piano, uninterrupted, and see what melodies come forth...  

Well, now that Simon is back in school, I am able to intentionally set aside some time to focus on these two creative outlets.  However, that means that I will not be taking any classes this semester at the Junior College or taking on any substitute teaching jobs.  Honestly, after the list of personal challenges that I have encountered the past year or two...  

~ divorce and bankruptcy and all that they encompass  
~ grieving of the passing of a couple of very dear friends in the spring  
~ the building up of and then letting go of a significant (to me) love relationship
  
and this is all in addition to my usual daily calling as a devoted, full time mother to my sweet Simon and Director of Music at my church... 

... well, it would seem that I have had several "pots on the stove" all simmering at the same time... though, thankfully, none really bubbled over! 


So, after spending several months stirring all of these "pots", this girl's poor arm is tired!  But I didn't realize just how tired I was until I spent some precious time in sessions with my spiritual director over the past several weeks.  Through personal prayer, gently guided contemplation and mindful listening to my inner-voice I have decided that it's time - and necessary - to ALLOW myself to turn off a few of the "burners" and put the lids back on the pots...  better yet, wash them and put them away!  And then give myself permission to intentionally take some time to adjust to my "new" life of sorts - reinventing myself while, at the same time, returning to my former self - the "Self" who poured her soul into writing and playing music in college, who took time to nurture her spirit, nurture her friendships, find pleasure in her many passions - or would it be finding her passion in her many pleasures?  Really, if nothing else, getting older has taught me - or rather - reminded me that life is finite... we only get one shot at this and we should try to make it good!  

So, for the time being, my primary focus will be on mothering my son, "working" at my day job at my church ... AND I will also be purposefully setting aside one day a week to be my "Sacred Day"- a day where I can write music, write for my blog, quietly enjoy a latte while reading a book, plan a much needed, but probably long overdue, visit with a friend...  basically allowing myself to do whatever it is that rejuvenates my spirit, brings me closer to my purpose for living in this life time - during these times - and among all who have been put on my life's path with me ... and if I encounter another chance at a love relationship along the way - even better!  After all, I believe that life's journey is too amazing to not want to share it with another person - the right person, right?